


Despair No More

by Rinteri



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Complete, Destiel - Freeform, Fix-It, M/M, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27456004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinteri/pseuds/Rinteri
Summary: Fix-it for s15e18. This is how I would like Castiel and Dean's story to go. This fanfic was written to lighten my mood and hopefully the mood of the readers. Rated M for language and suicidal thoughts. This is my first fanfic ever, English is my second language, and this is unbeta-ed, so I apologize for any mistakes.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 69





	1. Drowning

Dean sat on the floor clutching his head in his hands. He felt like he was underwater.

“ _When I experienced the moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever_ ”

“ _The one thing I want — it’s something I know I can’t have”_

 _“Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being_ ”

“ _You fought for this whole world for love_ ”

“ _I love you_ ”

_“I love you”_

_“ **I love you** ”_

It was ringing in Dean’s head, ringing, and ringing, _and ringing…_ Somewhat distantly he thought that it felt like he was underwater, but not like those visions he had when Michael was inside him. No, no, then he was fighting, then he was angry, then he had the _fight_ in him. But this… He felt sick. And weak. Even thinking about getting up from the floor was hard. Actually, thinking about anything was hard because of this never-ending litany of _I love you-s_ he had in his head.

The phone rang. Sammy. He looked at the screen, blankly, like he wasn’t really there, like it all wasn’t real — him, Sam, Jack, God, the fucking end of the world. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing was left in him. He wanted to cry, to scream, to start throwing things like he did when Kevin died, but he was completely frozen, like a block of solid ice in space. Minutes passed, but he never moved, never said anything, just remembering Castiel’s… no… _his_ face and _his_ words. Even thinking his name was so painful that he just couldn’t deal.

After what felt like an eternity in permafrost, he heard Sam entering the room.

“Dean! What happened?” — he heard, but couldn’t lift his head or make any movement at all.

“Dean! Where’s Cas?” — hearing this, Dean clenched his teeth. He couldn’t say it out loud. Just like he couldn’t say the most important thing in his life.

“Dean?” — he heard another voice. Jack… — “Dean, what…”

Suddenly the boy clutched his head and fell to his knees.

“I feel it,” — he said. — “ _I feel it…_ The Empty… it… It took him…”

And then there was deafening silence. The utter devastation, _utter despair_ was flowing through the veins of everyone in the room like pure poison.

Suddenly Dean stood up.

“Where is everybody?” — he asked, not even sure if he wanted to hear the answer. Or if he cared about the answer.

Sam flinched, as if in sharp pain, swallowed like his mouth was extremely dry, and started talking. Dean was barely following, still feeling like he wasn’t anywhere near the surface of that cold, cold water he was drowning in, no, _has drowned already_. He could only hear the names. Eileen, Bobby, Charlie, Donna, and so many more. None of it mattered — Dean noticed. If he wasn’t so frozen, he would probably be surprised because of not feeling anything. All those people were close to him, were helping him along the way, he thought they were his family. But with Ca… _the angel_ gone it didn’t matter. When Sam was telling him all this, he didn’t really comprehend it, his vision was unfocused, and his thoughts were in complete disarray.

“We need to do something, Dean” — Sam’s voice was trembling and it felt like he spoke from a great distance.

“Why, Sam?” — Dean managed to say quietly, and suddenly the feeling of being under cold water changed into something even worse. He was still drowning, but the water was boiling now, as was his skin, his blood, his soul, his mind, his _whole essence._ — “It doesn’t matter anymore! NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE! He's gone. He’s gone! To the Empty!”

Dean hit the wall in the place where _the angel_ was taken together with Billie, and then he just continued hitting the cold concrete, like he could open a door to wherever _the angel_ went, like he could actually do something. His fists started bleeding but he didn’t stop. Sam didn’t stop him. In fact, Sam looked just as frozen as Dean himself was only a minute before that.

Suddenly Jack grabbed Dean’s arm.

“Please stop, Dean. We need to save…”

Dean looked back at Jack, and yelled “SAVE WHOM? We couldn’t save anyone! It’s over, Jack! It’s over!”

“Dean, maybe we could… Summon the Empty back? Do something?” — Sam asked very quietly. — “There must be a way…”

“I know what I can do” — Dean said with sudden determination and exited the room. He went all the way to the bunker’s exit like a robot — no thoughts, nothing left in him. Weak. Broken. _Empty._

He vaguely heard Sam and Jack shouting his name, running after him, but he never stopped, throwing Sam and Jack’s hands off like they were nothing more than some annoying obstacle he didn’t want to pay attention to.

It was dark outside, and very quiet. No sounds, no cars passing by, no birds singing. Chuck must have started erasing the world and decided to begin with people inhabiting it.

“I know you can hear me!” — Dean shouted. — “Come here, you bitch! Come and take me! This is what you want, right? Don’t take me to heaven, don’t take me anywhere! Come and _destroy what’s left of my soul_! This is what you’d like to do, you bitch!”

No answer followed. Chuck didn’t appear, and nothing changed. Sam slowly approached Dean from behind, as if he was afraid of scaring him away like a wild animal, and hugged him quietly. At that point Dean’s body just gave up, and he went limp in Sam’s arms like a ragdoll.

“Let’s carry him inside” — Sam told Jack softly.


	2. Losing All Hope

Dean woke up with a start. He was in his room, and he must have had a bad dream because he was covered in sweat and his heart was close to jumping out of his chest. While his brain was adjusting to suddenly becoming awake, he looked at the blue can of soda at his bedside and felt a sharp pain in his veins. He remembered blue eyes filled with tears, and the words… Oh, the words…

_I love you… I love you… I love you…_

It was like an echo, like a prayer, but not a good one, like the ones that are brought to existence by despair. Dean never thought he’d hear these words from… _the angel,_ but then he did, and then his world ended, fell into a black hole and turned into dust.

Dean heard a strange sound that got his attention. It sounded like electricity humming and crackling, with a barely heard tinkling. He followed the sound to the map room and there he saw Sam, passed out in an armchair near an empty bottle, and Jack doing… something strange.

Jack was holding one of the swords he took from the stand nearby and looking at the blade. Its parts were seemingly appearing and disappearing from existence, like it was some kind of Schrodinger’s cat but without the box.

“Jack, what… What is this?” — he asked, Jack jumped and the blade suddenly vanished completely.

“I don’t… Know…” — Dean heard, and Jack continued — “I think it’s Chuck. Back in the hiding place with all the others I saw a plant turning black and disappearing”.

“He’s done with humans then” — Dean lifted Sam’s bottle to see if maybe some alcohol was left. There was none.

“What are we going to do now, Dean?” — Jack asked, his voice was trembling. Dean realized that Jack was very scared and as utterly devastated as he himself. They both were grieving because they loved the same person more than anyone in the world, hell, more than the world, the reality itself.

“I don’t know, Jack. But before all this ends, I need to tell you something. I couldn’t tell Ca…” — he held his breath and continued — “I couldn’t tell your father, but at least you will hear it. Please listen and don’t say anything”

Dean sat at the table in front of sleeping Sam and motioned Jack to sit near him. Jack obeyed.

“I know what you think about your role in all this. About me, Sam, and…” — Dean closed his eyes. — “Anyway, I know. I can’t give you a motivational speech because I don’t believe in anything anymore, but I want you to know this: you are like a son to me, Jack. No, you _are_ my son. The thing with sons… No matter what they do, their parents forgive them. I was angry at you, at Ca… _at him_ for a long time, true. But his last words… What he said to me… Jack, I’m sorry. You didn’t have to sacrifice yourself from the very start, I should have been there to protect you. I should have been protecting you like… Like _he_ was. _He_ did this for me, _he_ did so much for me. I’m sorry that I let him do it alone while chasing monsters, killing death, chasing gods, trying to punish all the evil in existence. I wasn’t there for him. Even during his last moments… I… failed… So, I just want to set one thing right. Jack, I… I don’t blame you anymore. I won’t lie, I did, for a while, but not anymore. Everything is going south and will probably end. I want you us to make peace before it happens. I want you to know that I…”

Dean stopped. Even now, even for Jack — he just couldn’t say these three words. He just couldn’t. In his mind, electric blue eyes kept looking at him, and the ringing that felt like a torture, like some sort of punishment, those three cursed words repeating over and over, never stopped.

Jack looked at Dean sadly and asked: “Did he say anything? Before he… um…”

Dean closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. He opened his mouth and tried to speak but he couldn’t. He wanted to stop existing, to stop being himself. Jack was just looking at him awkwardly, keeping silence.

They sat in the dark room lit only by an old dim lamp, and everything fell so still, so _dead_. Jack closed his eyes, sighed, got up and left to his room, shoulders slumped.

_Nothing would be fine. Everything was at an end. There was no purpose anymore._

Dean looked up and saw the reflection of the light in Sam’s open red eyes. He lost Eileen, too — Dean reminded himself.

“You need to tell him, Dean. He deserves to know” — Sam whispered.

“What about me, Sam? What do I deserve? He… What he said before he…” — Dean swallowed. — “I couldn’t kill Death. It was a stupid plan from the beginning. We ran back to the bunker, and Billie was chasing us. Ca… _He_ dragged me to the dungeon, closed the door with some kind of a seal, and it wasn’t going to last for a long time, just bought us some time. Billie was dying already because her blade was poison for her. We needed to run and hide instead of trying to kill her. My plan was stupid. She was dying, but too damn slowly. The last thing she wanted to do was to kill me. She said I was the anomaly she wanted to correct. I thought she was going to kill us both, but then he… He said he made a deal with the Empty, Sam, did it to save Jack. It was supposed to take him back, for good this time, when he “experienced the moment of true happiness”. I was… I was surprised, Sam, and I didn’t even say…”

Sam frowned.

“A moment of true happiness? But… you were cornered, and the situation was horrible, how… What happened?” — he asked.

“This… He…” — Dean was starting to hyperventilate. — “He started saying all those things, about me being a good person, not, as he said, my father’s blunt instrument. He said that I did everything because of… love. And then he…”

Dean couldn’t say it. Those three words were cursed. Everyone who said those words to him died. They all should have just abandoned him. The Apocalypse should have happened. The angels would be safe then. Fuck humanity, they’re all gone now anyway, because of Chuck.

“Did he tell you how he felt about you?” — Sam guessed. He looked scared.

“He did, Sam. He _did_. And then the Empty took him, and I didn’t say it back. I was frozen in place, I thought he didn’t… feel this way, I thought there was no chance…” — the tears were hot, so hot that he felt like his face was melting off. Dean hid his face in his hands and started shaking.

“Dean… Do you… love him?” — Sam asked.

_Love him… Love him… Love him…_

The ringing was unbearable.

“Of course, I fucking do! Does it matter now? I never said it! Not once!” — Dean jumped out of his chair, clenching his fists, still crying. — “What is this bullshit? He said that happiness was in just saying it, but all it did was taking him away from me! Why would he make this stupid deal? He knew, he knew about those cosmic consequences! He knew exactly how it would end and he still did it! He left Jack… us… HE LEFT ME ALONE!”

Sam tried to approach Dean, putting his empty palms in the air as if trying to pacify a child in a tantrum, but Dean angrily threw his hands away.

“I’m sorry.” — they heard. Jack was back. — “You lost Mary because of me, and now you lost Castiel because of me.”

Hearing the name made Dean flinch.

Castiel… _Castiel… Castiel…_ CASTIEL!

Dean didn’t realize that he started yelling his angel’s name loudly as if in an attempt to suppress the ringing. Suddenly he remembered what Castiel said when he returned from the Empty before. He heard a voice calling him, so maybe… Just maybe…

“Castiel, please, come back!” — Dean screamed at the top of his lungs. — “Come back RIGHT NOW! I need you! I… I…”

His voice broke, and he whispered, like a prayer: “ _I love you, too. Please, come back…_ ”

The room fell silent. Nothing happened. Completely drained, Dean slid down the wall to the floor. He wasted his last speck of hope, and felt like he wasn’t himself anymore. If Chuck appeared in the room at that moment, Dean would have done anything he said to just stop it. He would have begged him for death, no, for utter destruction. Death wasn’t enough. They wouldn’t meet even in death because only the angels went to the Empty. His tears were turning to ice and he felt like he was freezing again.

Jack uttered a scream, but Dean didn’t care, he just wanted to keep lying there, on the floor, until his body started to rot.

“Dean!” — Sam sounded so panicked, that Dean cracked his eyes open to look at him, and then shifted his gaze to where his brother was looking. Jack was… blinking in and out of existence. Just like the sword he saw in Jack’s hands before, but this time every disappearance of a part of his body was silent, there was absolutely no sound. Arm, foot, shoulder, part of the stomach — soon the blinking became so fast that Dean’s eyes couldn’t follow it anymore. Suddenly Jack disappeared completely, taking a neat round circle of space with him, along with the half of the map table. The lightbulb in the lamp exploded and it became dark and quiet.


	3. Lost and Found

Castiel opened his eyes. Complete and utter nothingness greeted him. He was in the Empty, once again. But why… why was he awake? He made peace, he made himself feel that moment of happiness when he told Dean he loved him, without any restraints, without any doubts. He did something for _himself_ , but at the same time sacrificed all he was for Dean.

“Hey!” — he yelled. — “Anyone there? Empty? Billie?”

All he could hear was his voice. No answer followed. So, he decided to just walk… somewhere. As he was walking, he couldn’t do anything except thinking, and after a while his thoughts drifted away to a familiar topic. He thought about Dean. Was he alive?

Castiel stopped lying to himself after that moment when the other angels told him he had to kill Dean to prove that he was loyal. During his past life he didn’t really think about humans as something other than simply the work of art created by his Father. God was the most important being in the universe, and Castiel just did what he was told, believing that he was doing God’s work, following His orders. He felt something when he filled the human vessel for the first time in ages, but he had a job to do at the time, so he flew to the barn where the chosen one was awaiting him. He had to protect the seals, guiding this tiny human in order to avert the rising of Lucifer, so he never really had time to stop and think.

But then, in the Green Room, after Dean called him soulless and told him that he was already dead, Castiel felt something. He couldn’t understand what it was at that time, but it felt so strong, so… right, that he suddenly felt his goal, his purpose shifting. Castiel, invisible to Dean, stared at the human in front of him and that human stopped looking tiny. He disobeyed, he rebelled, and he felt… different. Past Castiel wouldn’t even think much about an opinion of a human before, but this new Castiel — he started _caring_. And so, he fell.

Years went by, and the human beside him looked bigger and bigger, until he became Castiel’s whole world. Before being handed the knife to kill Dean, Castiel had doubts about his feelings. He thought that he was becoming more human because of being close to people. He thought that what he was feeling was human kind of friendship, camaraderie. Human feelings were much stronger after all. Dean was his brother in arms, they fought together, they’ve been through much together. But weren’t the angels his brothers, too? Being forced to choose was horrible, but at that moment Castiel realized that he wasn’t choosing anymore. He had already chosen, long ago.

Metatron knew it, too, so he used it as a weapon to hurt him. After hearing about Dean’s death Castiel was devastated and nearly killed Metatron. The only thing that stopped him was knowing that Dean must be somewhere in Heaven, and that they could meet. He needed to stay in Heaven. Castiel wanted to confess, to tell Dean everything, but no matter how thoroughly he searched, Dean wasn’t there.

When Sam told him about the note, he was relieved, but then scared. His vessel was deteriorating, and he was running on fumes with his stolen grace, so he couldn’t really help. Hearing about Dean turning into a demon was so painful — he thought that he was dying. It felt like falling deeper than the bottomless pits of hell. Castiel experienced this feeling once more, when he took Dean’s arm, and learned about the mark of Cain.

“I’ll have to watch you murder the world” — he told Dean, because there was no way he would try and kill Dean, even if he murdered everyone in existence. Even lying on the floor, covered in blood, Castiel never thought about himself, he was only scared for Dean.

He didn’t want to remember him becoming a pawn of leviathan and devastating heaven, but he had to admit that even then he didn’t kill Dean, even though he wasn’t really himself and had the power to reduce any living being to atoms. He chose to run instead.

Castiel wanted to tell Dean, all that time, but for some reason it was harder than fighting any battle. So, he kept looking at him, as if foolishly trying to make him feel it just by looking into his eyes. He almost confessed during that ride with Dean in the impala before letting Dean go basically kill himself by turning into a Darkness-killing bomb. But then Dean told him he was like a _brother_ to him. Family. _Like Sam_. So Castiel kept silent. He wanted to die with Dean, stand with him until the last moment, but Dean refused, so he had to step away.

When Dean disappeared, it felt like the world ended, but there was Sam, and his promise to keep him safe. The ride back to the bunker after being blasted away felt like _years_. Then he saw Dean again, and he almost said it, but Mary was there, so Castiel kept silent again.

When he thought that he was going to die because of the poison from the Lance of Michael, he let himself speak the truth just one time.

“I love you,” — he said, but Dean said nothing, so he decided to add “All of you.” To not make Dean uncomfortable. There was no way he would share Castiel’s feelings, so it was wise to let Dean believe that they were best friends, _brothers_. Castiel would be the one to carry the lie to his grave.

When Castiel stepped out of the portal after leaving Lucifer behind, he was so happy to see Dean alive, but then he found himself in the Empty. Without Dean. And the Empty looked deep into his fears and told him what he already knew — Dean would never love him in a way Castiel loved Dean. But still, he fought to get back to Dean, selfishly this time, just because of the very human desire to see the person he loved.

He wanted to tell Dean the moment he saw him getting out of the impala near that payphone. But Dean hugged him like he would hug his _brother_ and quickly stepped away.

Then Castiel met Jack. Dean taught Castiel to love, and the not-so-angel-anymore became a father. He was happy just to be near Dean, but the peace and quiet didn’t last long, so he had to save both Dean and Jack, Dean from Michael, and Jack from falling apart, and then — from Lucifer. Then there were parallel world problems, and then God, and Castiel couldn’t stop and think again — he had to help Dean, and Sam, and Jack.

The decision to make the deal with the Empty was easy for him: Castiel thought that he managed to trick the cosmic entity. He would only be happy if Dean accepted his feelings, but that would never happen. There was a zero chance of failure.

He was thinking about the way to let Dean know though because, albeit a dozen of years was a very short time for the angel who lived for millennia, it was becoming hard to keep it in himself. But then unspeakable happened. Jack killed Mary. Looking Dean in the eyes… Feeling his anger… It was worse than all the fires of hell he had to endure to raise the righteous man from perdition. And then Dean told him that Castiel didn’t exist for him anymore, so he walked out of the bunker. He felt like he was walking on molten lava or knives, and every step he took felt more and more painful. Castiel wanted Dean to call out to him, but it didn’t happen. So, he went away, but being without Dean was so unbearable that he had to return. Even though Dean said he was nothing for him, Castiel still wanted to be near Dean, because being without him felt like being back in the Empty.

Castiel almost told Dean when they were leaving the Purgatory. Dean’s prayer was so sincere, and it almost felt like he was confessing, that his feelings were the same. But they had no time, and Castiel still couldn’t believe that it was possible, remembering Lisa and all the women Dean was with. Also, they had to defeat God in order to survive, so he needed to step on his throat once more and stow his feelings away.

At that point Castiel didn’t have any doubts about God. God wanted to kill Jack, and he wanted it done by Dean or Sam, which meant that God was Castiel’s enemy. Everyone knew that Dean would be the one to land the blow, to end Jack’s life. Castiel wanted to hide Jack, to run, because he couldn’t bear the thought about people, or beings, he loved killing each other. Then God killed Jack, he was gone, and Castiel was frozen, _falling_ in a bottomless pit that appeared in the middle of his chest… But Dean was still at his side, still alive, so with enormous effort he grabbed Jack’s body that felt heavier than anything he ever lifted, and ran, not wanting to see another loved one dying.

Killing Belphegor hurt him so much, he felt like he was the one burning in his vessel, no, his body — at that point he was more human than angel. But he still thought about Dean, felt the need to protect him at all cost, so he kept going, despite all the self-hatred, despite all the pain.

Seeing God as the new enemy didn’t make Castiel feel any doubts, he would kill anyone, deal with anyone who dared to threaten Dean. He stood with Dean even if it meant going against his Father who gave him life and created the humanity.

When Castiel was going to try to kill Death, at Dean’s side, again, he never gave it much thought, he was ready to die any day if he would be dying for Dean. He was ready to fight until the last breath, but, in the end, it turned out to be that in order to at least help Dean survive he had to give up instead.

When he realized what he had to do this last, this final time, Castiel ruined all the walls inside himself to try and feel true happiness for at least a second. A second that would give Dean time. When he started telling Dean, he suddenly felt that he was lifting a burden, that he was becoming lighter and lighter. When he finally said the three words he wanted to say for years and prepared to die, throwing Dean out of the Empty’s way, Castiel smiled. He was at peace. He was complete.

But after waking up in the Empty he realized that it was a lie. He wasn’t near Dean, once again. He didn’t know if Dean survived, and it felt like a red-hot nail hammered right in the middle of his chest.

Castiel’s thoughts were interrupted by a human hand appearing out of nothing. He stopped with a jerk and stared at the blinking extremity. Then he saw a shoulder, and the clothing looked very familiar. In a second Jack completely appeared in front of Castiel, accompanied by… a round piece of space from the bunker?

“Castiel!” — he exclaimed and hugged him, squeezing so hard that it hurt the angel.

“Jack!” — Castiel shouted, — “What happened? Why are you here? Did Chuck kill you? What happened to Dean and Sam?”

Jack looked surprised. He looked at the piece of the map table he brought with him and frowned perplexedly.

“They’re physically fine. Dean is crying though, because of you. He was shouting about not being able to tell you something. Sam is drunk. We were… talking, but then I got a strange feeling… And then I just… appeared here. What are all those beings?” — he asked.

Castiel wasn’t surprised because of hearing about Dean crying, but what was that thing he never told him. It couldn’t be… could it? He needed to find a way to return, if that was even possible. His longing to see Dean, to help him was unbearable, but one thing still caught his attention. After hearing Jack’s last question, he frowned and looked around, but there was no one — the Empty was, well, as empty as ever.

“What do you mean? Where?” — he asked.

“Below us, I can _feel them_ ” — Jack said, opening his eyes wide. — “I feel _power_ over them, like I can… Wake them up. Should I?”

“Wait… What happened when Billie teleported you here?” — Castiel was as surprised as Jack, but an idea crossed his mind…

“I exploded, and the Shadow took my face in its hands. She said I made it loud. I felt that something… was changing. Like that time when I got my soul back — it was like there was one me, and then there was another me. I thought I was hearing something loud, too, but then Billie teleported me back.” — Jack put a finger to his lip like a child would do when thinking.

“Sorry, I don’t know if it makes sense.” — he added. — “Wait… There’s something there.”

Then Jack crouched down and pulled something from the empty. It was a scythe. Billie’s scythe, in fact. Castiel and Jack looked at it and then looked at each other with wide eyes.


	4. Fighting For Life

“Where... Where did Jack go? Was it Chuck? Did he do it?” — Sam asked, turning to his brother. He expected Dean to look powerless and broken, but he actually looked _furious_.

“Get Jack back, you son of a bitch!” — Dean shouted.

Suddenly brothers heard a voice from the corner of the room.

“I'm surprised the bunker is still intact. Billie, huh? Well, they do say that death comes when you least expect it. So, Dean, what was that you were yelling? Sorry, I was a teensy bit busy with annihilating your friends. Well, and the rest of humanity. Couldn’t look at what you were up to. It is done now. You should be happy I did it, boys. This Earth is going to be destroyed, too, so it's better for them to just... stop existing. Just like that, with a snap of my fingers, quick, painless, clean. No heaven, no hell — I turned them into nothing. Erased them from existence. Now it's your turn. Saved the best for last.” — Chuck looked perfectly calm this time. Sam noticed that one of his eyes turned brown.

“You... It's all because of you!” — Dean's eyes darkened. His gaze held something that Sam could only describe as wrath. Pure, unrestrained, divine wrath which was almost visibly radiating from his brother.

“You killed humanity. You killed my friends. You killed my family. You killed... You killed _Cas_! You let him die, you were the reason of all this! I, no, _Cas_ and I, already killed Death, and now I'll do my damndest to kill you. I know that bullets won't really hurt you, and I know that this is probably the end for us. But remember this, you dick: you never broke us. You failed. You are a failure. You couldn't make two tiny ants do your bidding, and if I'm gonna die, then I'm gonna die free. That's what he would want. I'm not only fighting for love as he said. I'm also fighting for freedom. And guess what — I already won, even if you vaporize me to atoms. Your hamster wheel is broken, you puny, pathetic little god. So, screw you, Chuck. You lost your favorite toys.” — each word sounded sharp, like a bullet, and each word held such immense power. It felt like Dean was reading a spell to banish evil. But still, Sam was surprised with how softly Cas’ name sounded amidst this string of pure wrath. Dean’s pain was so evident, so _corporified,_ that Sam felt his own insides writhing and burning.

Chuck's calm attitude changed. He looked at Dean like he spit in his face. Sam felt like Dean's anger was contagious, and it somehow got God himself infected.

“Oh, so your favorite angel is dead now, huh? Well done Billie, never thought I’d say it, but she managed to surprise me in the end. Just not in the way she expected. The plan was stupid from the very start. What can a bunch of — what did you say, Dean? ants? — yeah, a bunch of ants, I like how it sounds, so what can a bunch of tiny, pathetic ants do against me? You’re nothing, and you’ll turn to nothing.” — Chuck raised his hand to click his fingers, but Dean quickly drew his gun and shot him in the head.

“Now you made me angry! Why do you have to be so… meddlesome?! So disobedient? You know what? I know what I’m going to do. I’ll _squeeze_ your life out of your body. And then I’m going to turn your soul to atoms, Dean. Who knows, maybe you’ll join your beloved angel and the rest of your friends in the Nothing you’ll go to, if such a place exists!” — with these words Chuck lunged at Dean and started strangling him.

Dean resisted, purely on instinct. His mind was telling him to stop, to let Chuck finish. He didn’t want to exist anymore. He, too, wanted to be turned to nothing.

Before running to try to stop God himself, readying himself to die trying, Sam got a thought that stopped him dead in his tracks: Chuck didn’t know that the Empty existed! What if… What if the Empty could kill him? Or capture him at least, imprison him? God wasn’t interested in the great Nothing. He was interested in creation at first, and then — in destruction. But how could he call the Empty? What could he do to bring it to Earth? Suddenly Sam noticed a book on the table. The book of Death about God. It seemed to be missing a little piece in the corner, and it was… Open? Jack probably took that small piece with him when he disappeared along with the part of the room and the table the book was lying on, and it caused the book to…somehow… unlock? Sam could read the book! His time was limited because Dean was close to losing consciousness, but what other choice did he have? And so, he reached the book in one huge step, and looked at the last page. His eyes widened, and then he screamed at the top of his voice:

“JACK! _JACK! WE NEED YOU! COME HERE!_ ”

Then everything stopped.

Chuck dropped Dean and turned to Sam, and then saw Jack standing in the middle of the room, holding… Death’s scythe? Jack looked as surprised as Chuck and Dean, eyes wide, mouth open, just standing there. But Sam had no time to explain. He knew what they needed to do.

“Jack! You can kill him with the scythe now! You can hold him! You got new powers, believe me, so _fucking use them!_ ” — Sam shouted hurriedly.

Chuck looked at him and chuckled.

 _“_ You think this powerless boy could kill _me,_ Sam? Really? You’re grasping at straws now. This is what pathetic looks like, Dean.” — he said, turning away from Sam’s brother. Then he appeared next to Jack, grabbed the boy by the neck and lifted him in the air. Chuck took the scythe and threw it away. Sam noticed Dean slowly moving towards the scythe, but Chuck did, too.

“Where are you going, Dean? We’re not done yet!” — God said, and suddenly Dean’s throat was in his other hand, and Dean was lifted in the air along with Jack.

Sam calmly approached Chuck and stood in front of him.

“This is your last chance. I’m warning you. Despite what you did, you are God. You created it all. You created _us_. You can stop and leave.” — Sam said, quietly, but firmly.

Chuck looked genuinely surprised. “Wh… What, Sam? Why are you telling me this? I can snap their necks in a second, and then snap yours, and it’ll be _bye-bye forever, Winchesters_. Is this a joke?” — he said mockingly, loosening his grip on Jack’s throat and getting distracted. Just what Sam needed.

Jack shifted his hand a bit, and black goo started flowing from it, quickly reaching the scythe and pulling it towards the boy. Chuck was too late to notice it. Jack took the blade of the scythe in his hand and plunged its deep into the chest of the still laughing God. Chuck’s hand holding Dean’s throat unclenched, and Dean took the blade of the scythe and plunged it even deeper.

“Even God gets reaped.” — Dean said and kept smiling wryly while Chuck was dying. Sam expected it to look like an angel dying, a lightshow or something even worse, but Chuck died as a human. He stopped breathing, his mouth fell open, and his eyes went still. God was dead.


	5. Gasping for Air

The three of them put Chuck’s body on the remains of the map table, grabbed the chairs and sat down. Everyone, especially Jack, who was only adjusting to his new powers, felt deadly tired. Sam smiled, but Dean’s face was grim.

“We did it, we killed the son of a bitch, but what difference does it make?” — Dean said in a clinical fashion, emotionlessly. — “Everyone is gone, and Cas… _Cas…._ ”

It wasn’t a win. Dean was alone, on an empty Earth, and he wasn’t going to see the love of his life no matter what he did. Even dying wasn’t an option because he’d just go to heaven or hell. With God dead they weren’t able to change the way the system worked. All his friends were dead, too. He fulfilled his destiny, became the messenger of God’s destruction and even participated in it, but it was all in vain, so he felt himself submerging into icy cold water once again.

_Fuck it… I’ll just freeze into this chair. Maybe this way I will turn to nothing to go to the great Nothing._

Dean hid his face in his hands, but Sam gently took his brother’s hands and caught his gaze.

“Dean… Do you understand what happened?” — Sam asked, and the bastard was still smiling. How could he? He lost Eileen, too. They lost _everything_.

“Who fucking cares, Sam?” — Dean snapped, but his voice was quiet because all of the fight was gone from him. — “He’s still dead. Everyone is dead. _Eileen_ is dead! Why are you smiling?”

Sam squeezed his hands gently.

“I’m smiling because we are getting them all back. I am getting Eileen back. _You are getting Castiel back._ ” — his smile widened and the look on his face was of pure happiness and freedom.

Dean jumped and grabbed Sam by the collar.

“How? How?!” — he shouted angrily.

“Jack. Jack can bring him back.” — Sam answered, still smiling like a fool. — “Don’t you understand? When Jack exploded… He _became the Empty_. Jack is the Empty now.”

Dean stepped back, he was out of breath, and another breath was not coming.

“Chuck did us all a favor by not killing them all, but _erasing_ them. You see, Dean? He turned them all into _nothing_. What is nothing, Dean? It’s the Empty!” — Sam explained.

Dean couldn’t believe it. In his mind he was still underwater, but Sam’s words felt like a light shining through a thick layer of ice. He turned to Jack.

“If you can do it, please…” — his voice broke. He could barely breathe. — “Please… bring him back.”

Jack smiled, and his smile looked more human than ever.

“Call him. You need to call him.” — he said.

“It didn’t work the last time. I can’t… What if it doesn’t work again?” — Dean pleaded.

“It will, I promise, Dean.” — Jack simply replied. He sounded so sure, but Dean still couldn’t believe it. However, the desire to bring Cas back was so strong, that he would do anything he was told just to get the tiniest chance.

And so, Dean called. Gathering all the strength he had left, he shouted like he wanted heaven and hell to hear him, like a drowning man does one last effort to try and reach the surface of the water.

“Castiel! CASTIEL! _CASTIEL!_ ”

And there he was. Standing in front of him. Smiling, with tears in his eyes.

Dean couldn’t move. He couldn’t open his mouth, he just looked in those baby blues like he was looking for all those years. The moment seemed to be fallen out of time, out of space. Everything around him vanished, except _those eyes._

“Hello, Dean” — a gravelly voice sounded, and Dean gasped for air.


	6. Seeing the Light

“Hey baby, do you think we should watch that Boogeyman 4 movie?” — Sam asked Eileen in sign language. — “Garth is coming tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow we’ve got to go visit Jody and the girls to celebrate Claire’s birthday. And then Dean and I are going to pay a visit to our parents. Gabriel finally allowed us to meet them. Took his damn time, I mean, we were the ones to wake him up in the Empty, so why not do us a favor? I guess you can’t change a trickster, huh. Everything is settled down now, the order is restored, and they’re ready. So, this might be the last day for a while, when we can have some proper alone time, you know.”

“When were you going to tell me about your parents? I’m so happy for you, Sam! As for the movie… I think I’m a bit tired of boogeymen. Let’s watch that old romcom Charlie mentioned! But we need to clean it up first. You know that Dean and Cas won’t do it.” — Eileen replied.

Sam rolled his eyes up jokingly and pinched Eileen’s side making her squeak.

“Alright, alright, if you really want it…” — Eileen lightly punched him in the stomach in return. — “I’m just joking, whatever Charlie likes we’ll probably like, too.”

Sam hugged Eileen, inhaling the smell of her hair and perfume, and then turned her to face him and kissed her gently. He turned to leave to download the first season of the show, but then looked at the kitchen counter and signed: “Don’t touch the counter though, it needs to be disinfected now. I saw Dean and Cas doing the nasty on it yesterday!”

Eileen looked at him wide-eyed and then threw a kitchen towel at him.

“Stop it! Dean surely wouldn’t mind, but I’ll never believe Castiel would do this!” — she screamed.

“Believe what you want, but I still wouldn’t touch it if I were you” — Sam signed and ran away, giggling.

Dean caught his brother on the way to his bedroom and looked suspiciously at him.

“Why was Eileen yelling my name? What did you tell her again?” — he yawned and rubbed his eyes.

“Oh nothing, nothing. Just told her that you were doing the nasty on the kitchen counter, brother.” — Sam masterfully avoided his brother’s fist, quickly ran to his room and closed the door. Dean heard his horse laugh coming from behind the door.

“Don’t think you’re just going to get away with it! Next time we’re doing it on your bed!” — Dean yelled but then stopped short. — “Oh man, I probably woke Cas up.”

He entered the room to see his angel sleeping like a baby. Dean didn’t know what caused this, maybe God’s death, maybe Jack or Cas’ unspoken wish, but when Cas returned from the Empty for the second time, he was still an angel, but he could sleep if he wanted, and, according to him, “food stopped tasting like molecules”. So, he became something in the middle between an angel and a human, getting the best qualities from both species. Dean quietly approached the bed and sat on its edge, feeling memory foam pressing down. He looked at Castiel and smiled. Sam told him that his smile was different ever since Cas returned.

“Feels happier than ever. I can’t help but smile in return when I see it. It’s like you’re _radiating_ happiness.” — his brother said.

“It’s you, Cas.” — Dean said quietly, passing his hand over Castiel’s hair. — “You are the reason why I’m smiling.”

Castiel lazily opened his eyes and asked sleepily: “What time is it?”

“I love you.” — said Dean, his smile widening.

“I love you, too, Dean. Are you going to continue doing this every morning?” — Castiel asked.

“I didn’t get to tell you this at the most important moment, so now I need to compensate. Yes, Cas, I’m going to tell you that I love you every damn morning, in this life and in the afterlife.” — Dean wanted to kiss his angel lightly, but changed his mind in the middle, and turned the kiss into something more fervent.

Castiel bit his lip and cackled.

“So, what time is it, cowboy?” — he asked again.

“It will be noon soon, Huckleberry” — Dean answered and immediately got a pillow thrown to his face.

“Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?! Jack is going to be here soon, and we didn’t even wrap his gift!” — Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I got it all covered!” — Dean showed Castiel an untidily wrapped package with a lopsided ribbon.

“This looks… horrible.” — Castiel said in a serious tone, tilting his head.

“At least I look good! And if you upset me, you won't see all the goodness hiding under these clothes, and I won’t let you watch that pizza man movie before bed ever again!” — Dean pouted.

“What’s a pizza man movie?” — they heard Jack’s voice from the corner of the room, looked at each other and burst out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it and it makes you feel better. I just couldn't deal with the way they ended Cas' story, so I decided to do something to make him and Dean happy not for one moment, but for a long time, at least in my mind.


End file.
